Beyond the Storm (9780758276995) Page 23

  “And what does it make you want to do?”

  “Recede.”

  “Why?”

  “Because when you put my dreams into words, they somehow lose their power. What I want, is it really something I can hope to achieve? Can I run away from this dumb town and find the man hidden underneath this boyish frame? Am I running to something, or am I running from something? Right now, right here, with you, I just don’t know anymore. These last two days, knowing you would be with me for that last rite of passage before graduation, I guess I started to think about what high school might have been if I’d been braver. Did I sell myself short? Do I really lack confidence? Did I let others box me in, only to close the lid myself? Did I willingly accept their labels? How is that strong? How is that knowing who you are?”

  A brilliant flash of smile hit Vanessa’s face, meant to soothe his doubts. “Adam, I’ve got one more place we can go to. The gang will be expecting us here, and right now they’re the last people I want to see. In fact, other than you, there’s not another soul on this planet I’d rather be with.” She urged him forward. “Come on . . .”

  Adam found himself transfixed by her alluring smile, and he allowed himself to be pulled forward. Down the far end of Danton’s Hill they went, running first across the dewy grass to the sticky pink sand of the beach. Vanessa stopped, flipping off her heels, freeing her feet to dig into the cool sand. Adam did the same, leaving behind a trail of shoes and socks. Together the two of them ran far from the dance, far from high school and the memories they had made, intent on new ones that waited beyond the horizon. As they approached the lapping shore of the great lake, Vanessa pushed past a wooden sign situated before the long pier of rocks. MERCER’S POINT, it read, its letters faded, as though it were part of another time and place, a distant piece of some other life.

  “Careful, Vanessa, those rocks can be sharp and slippery . . .”

  Vanessa didn’t seem to care. It was like she was dancing on the rocky pier, tiptoeing her way down its narrow length. Crashing waves washed up against either side, gently cooling the boulders with its foamy spray. Finally, she had edged her way toward the end of the long pier, with nothing between her and the lake and the faraway land on the other side. Vanessa was breathing hard, laughing like she hadn’t all week. Releasing her pent-up emotions. Adam stood beside her, drawn to her energy. Like this place, where they were so alone and so together, had infused her spirit.

  Then, there, on the very tip of Mercer’s Point, nestled beneath the starry night with no one else around them, Vanessa Massey stared deep into Adam Blackburn’s eyes, searching for the truth about life. What would she see in his blue eyes? How did he see the world, and would she recognize any of its destinations? Could Adam even reveal his dreams and open up his soul? She felt nervous tingles course throughout her body, a new but somehow comfortable connection between herself and the person before her. She felt overwhelmed, not in control of her actions. A raw power overwhelmed her, some larger force directing them toward each other. That’s what she thought, so that’s what made her do what she did. And what she did was lean forward to place a sweet kiss on Adam’s mouth. An awkward kiss, where her top lip met his lower lip, a slight disconnection, not unlike how this night had come about, forced but in the end acceptable. Her kiss met his again, and this time they got it right, his touch and hers.

  In the shadow of the moon, just one hundred yards from where the women of yesteryear once came to seek out the men who had promised to come home but oftentimes did not, Adam and Vanessa gave in to a moment neither could have predicted before this night had begun, but both willingly fed the night’s passion. Hidden behind a large cropping of rocks, far from prying eyes, the music of the sea their guide, they kissed and they touched, they caressed and spoke no words because any words might spoil the blossoming moment between them.

  At last their lips parted and only their wide eyes met. A fresh longing existed between them, the knowledge that waning childhoods had finally caught up to adulthood, and a decision loomed before them as to which of those entities they embraced. They were locked neither in the past nor the future. This moment was now, and only belonged to them. They touched again, her hand against his cheek, his fingers toying with hers, almost counting them, looking at perfection.

  At last, Adam said, “I should probably take you home.”

  “I don’t want to go home. Not now, and probably not ever.”

  “We both have plans beyond Danton Hill.”

  “That’s why this place is perfect. It’s a launching pad to tomorrow.”

  “Then why are we still thinking about the past, letting school rule our decisions?” he said. “This is just about getting back at . . .”

  “Don’t say his name, please,” she pleaded, desperation filling her voice. “Only we exist now. It’s like time has stopped, like it’s only you and me in this world. Mercer’s Point and its launching pad to the sea has lifted us, taken us away from all we know, and what happens next only happens now.” She paused, a hard lump caught in her throat. “Adam, I don’t want to leave for Europe a girl. I want to fly away a woman.”

  “Vanessa . . .”

  “It’s one more rite of passage. It’s necessary.”

  “But . . . you wouldn’t . . . you know, with . . .”

  “Because I knew it was wrong. Because I knew that with him, it wouldn’t be special, it would be all about him and his pleasure and I would just . . . I’d barely be a part of it. You, on the other hand, Adam, you understand the universe, how it works, why things happen, why certain connections exist between certain people. That’s us. That’s us . . . right now. Let’s take our last night as kids and grow up together. Adam, right here and now, let’s stop questioning everything. I need to feel love, and I know, even in this briefest of moments, you’ll indulge me.”

  “Vanessa, this is crazy . . . just the other day we barely spoke to each other.”

  “Like I said, the universe had other plans for us,” she said. “This place, out on this rocky pier, I would always crawl out here when the rest of my friends were swimming. I never really took to the water—don’t get me wrong, I loved its motion, but I also respected its power. So I would come here to the edge of Mercer’s Point and watch. But secretly, I’d be wishing to be somewhere else. It’s my own private place.”

  He leaned forward, he kissed her. She kissed him back.

  “And now I’m here with you.”

  “Yes, you are. And it feels right, my sharing it with you.”

  And then they did as the night dictated, silhouetting their shadows with moonlight that seeped through darkened clouds. They undressed, and they touched, they felt and they explored, and finally, ultimately, she opened herself to him, and he pushed all thoughts from his mind as emotion won the night’s battle, their hearts parting ways with the rational. It was wonderful and incredible, even ridiculous as he fished into his wallet for the condom that had dented a ring into the leather from years of carrying it, years of not requiring use.

  He gazed at her.

  She gazed back, gave a silent nod.

  Passion rode the wind that night, gave its cry an echoing finish. When at last they were satiated, a deep realization set in. About what they had done, whom they had done such a thing with. But they only managed to smile at each other, kiss each other. Regrets had no place out here on this rocky shore, those would come later, when neither were a part of the other’s life and the implications of their actions grew clearer. For now, they dressed as they realized the dance must have ended and the seniors would soon begin to invade Danton’s Hill in droves, ready to continue the party without benefit of teachers and chaperones.

  They agreed to stay behind was out of the question. They left Mercer’s Point avoiding detection by bypassing the gang, Adam driving her home. In the gravelly driveway where he had picked her up just hours ago, they parted as friends, as onetime lovers who dared never speak of what had transpired between them. They were ready for
the future, to move beyond the simple existence of high school life and the world they knew as Danton Hill. By car or by plane, their paths would never again cross. Separate ways they would go, it’s how it was meant to be, with neither speaking a word about one day reuniting.

  “Good-bye, Vanessa.”

  “Good-bye, Adam. And good luck. I know you’ll be a huge success.”

  “And you . . . you can be anything you want to be. See the world, find yourself.”

  The night of the Forever Yours dance ended with the two of them merely smiling at each other, Vanessa beneath the glow of the porch light of her childhood home, Adam leaning against his father’s wheels, shaded in the dark. One last connection to the past held them before each sought out their futures, alone. Moments later, he hopped in behind the wheel and the car pulled out of the driveway, its rear taillights disappearing around the bend, car and driver mutually gone from Vanessa’s life.

  She sat on the steps of the porch, not sure what to think about, who to think about.

  That decision was made for her.

  Danny Stoker, disheveled, emerged from the darkness, into her light.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “How was he?”

  “Danny, don’t be gross. Though I have to admit, it’s something you’re good at.”

  He grinned lasciviously, like a man unsatisfied with his earlier encounter. “That’s not all I’m good at, not that you’d know. So, what’s so special about that loser Adam Blackburn? You give to him what you wouldn’t give to me?”

  “You were watching us?”

  “Gotcha!”

  Vanessa stood, attempting to gain access to her house. The door was locked and the keys were inside her closed purse. Not enough time to grab them before Danny was on her, his beer-fueled breath invasive against her skin.

  “Don’t touch me,” she said. “I’ll scream. My parents are right upstairs.”

  “Oh, I’m not going to do anything to you. You proved you didn’t want me and that these years meant nothing. If you can live with your decision to go out a loser, so can I. But can you honestly say you’re happy? Is this how you want to end it? Us, high school?”

  “I don’t even know you anymore.”

  “I doubt you ever did.”

  “Good-bye, Danny.”

  “Good-bye to you, bitch.”

  Vanessa swung at him, her fist connecting with his face. She watched as Danny’s head swung upward from the impact, watched as he drunkenly lost his balance. He fell back against the decorative rocks that lined the path to her mother’s rose garden. He didn’t hit his head, but she heard him cry out with pain. A scrape appeared on his arms, a trace of blood bubbling out of the wound.

  “You’re nothing but a bastard. Evil, that’s what you are. You’ll never make anything of yourself, Danny Stoker. The next time I see you, I hope it’s at your funeral.”

  He grinned, showing a line of perfect white teeth, highlighting his dark good looks. He was at the height of his power, still the undisputed king of Danton Hill High School. “Fine by me. That means I can haunt you forever,” he said.

  That’s when he departed, disappearing into the shadows from where he’d emerged. And that’s when Vanessa Massey realized she was truly all alone, and not just on her front porch. Her parents might be upstairs, but they wouldn’t understand. Her friends were enjoying the after party up on Danton’s Hill, at Mercer’s Point. And Adam Blackburn and their night together were already starting to fade from her memories. She’d used him for sure, that much she knew, and it left her with an empty hole in her gut. There was not one person she could turn to, no one who understood anything anymore about the girl named Vanessa Massey. The woman, she reminded herself. She was a woman now.

  Ten days later, as the plane lifted off the ground, Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief.

  She had escaped, with no one privy to the secret she took with her.

  Because she wasn’t alone on that flight.

  CHAPTER 16

  NOW

  Vanessa’s surprising revelation hung between them, seemingly trapped by its own admission.

  “What do you mean, you weren’t alone? Who went with you?”

  She didn’t answer, not immediately.

  They remained still, sitting across from one another on the porch as another batch of dark clouds rumbled across the sky. The chill in the air had deepened, or perhaps it was the result of the shifting mood, chill gone to frost over her freshly revealed betrayal.

  “Vanessa, did you hear me?”

  “Yes, Adam, I did,” she said, looking away, her face stricken. “I’m sorry, even now this is still so difficult for me to discuss. Aside from Reva, I’ve never told another soul.”

  Adam leaned forward, searching her eyes, trying his best to understand her. He pictured the scene after he left her alone in the driveway to be confronted by Danny. She’d rejected him, but at some point must have changed her mind. That important detail she’d left out. So now he was left with the image of her and that jerk together. After what she and Adam had shared that night, just to toss away their connection with such cavalier disregard. “Why would you do that, put yourself though such an ordeal? I mean . . . after he treated you so horribly, why you would take him with you on your trip? How is that escaping?” At first he couldn’t bring himself to say the name, and then finally he did. “Danny Stoker went with you to Europe.”

  She couldn’t help it, she laughed deeply, the sound throaty and guttural in the dark night. Hers was a laugh tinged with both irony and regret and maybe even a bit of revulsion. “No, no, Adam . . . that’s not what I said. That night on my porch, after the dance, what I told Danny I meant and I fulfilled it. I never saw him again, not until he was lying inside his open casket, nine years later. There is no way in hell I would have allowed him to travel with me, if he even had the desire to leave. Danny was a Danton Hill boy through and through, so much so I doubt he ever went any further than Rochester.”

  “So, then I don’t get it. Who accompanied you to Europe?”

  “Wow, for such a smart guy, you’re playing it awfully dumb.”

  “Vanessa, I think you just need to spell it out for me.”

  She paused, searching for words that would not doubt pierce, but hurt him the least. If such words even existed. He obviously needed it spelled out, and perhaps she needn’t be so coy. She needed to say it aloud too, directly to his face. She reached out, gently taking hold of his strong hands, caressing them, as if seeking safety from the heat they gave off, a contrast to the chill surrounding them. “Adam, here’s the truth. When I left Danton Hill, I was pregnant.”

  “Pregnant.” He said the word, heard how foreign it sounded on his tongue and in the air between them.

  “Yeah, how about that,” she said, letting out a deep breath. “I had company on the flight, but it’s not like I had to buy an extra seat.”

  Realization dawned on him like waves of water, like sheeting rain assaulting his body. It awakened him, doused the fuzziness inside his brain and shook him to his very core. Finally he felt the unsettled chill of the night that had so far evaded him. That cold had previously only seemed to live inside her. He struggled to find the right words and finally said, each word laced with hesitation, “The baby . . . was mine?”

  “No one else’s.”

  “Oh, oh . . . wow . . .”

  “Yeah, that was kind of my reaction, except back then I was just some dumb high school graduate who was headed to Europe for a year before coming back for college. Let’s see, my ex-boyfriend had proved to be a total jerk, and I was pregnant thanks to an impulsive decision and I guess one really old condom. That night on Mercer’s Point, we—Adam Blackburn and Vanessa Massey—made a baby, created a life. And I know how shocked you must be right now—Adam, it’s okay, whatever you’re feeling, I’ll understand. If you want to run, like I did, like I always do . . . I’ve had twenty years to process this fact and you, you’re hearing it for the first
time all these years later. But whatever you’re feeling, please don’t hate me, because right now I know I couldn’t handle that. Right now I need your understanding and . . .”

  “The baby. What happened to . . . ?”

  “Her,” she said, softness in her voice.

  “Her, right. Wow, her . . .” Adam repeated, his voice just as soft and wistful as a summer breeze. “Where is she?”

  “Adam,” Vanessa said, holding his hands still, squeezing them as though to make the two of them one, to share together the sad truth of yesteryear. “She didn’t live.”

  He visibly blanched, like his body had suffered a small stroke. A child had been given to him and just as quickly had been torn away from his embrace. His mind couldn’t absorb all she had revealed. But he had to know more. He had to know every damn truth that lay deep inside her. Every detail. “You miscarried? Like you did later, with Dominick’s baby?”

  Vanessa, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, shook her head. “Not that time, no. I carried her to term, went through childbirth, the whole awful, screaming deal.”

  “You went through this alone?”

  Again, she nodded. This time she wiped away the tears, wiped away the memory.

  “In a hospital in London. To this day, Reva is the only person I ever told the whole story to. Not Dominick, not my parents, and not my friends, and certainly I couldn’t tell you . . .”

  “Why not?”

  “Oh Adam,” she said, hands cupping his face, absently scratching at the dark stubble on his chin. “Let’s not do this right now, these questions and answers. If you really think about it, you’ll know that I couldn’t do that to you. You’d already left Danton Hill by the time I found out weeks later, you’d taken your first step toward your future. You were summering in Princeton, you’d been given your one chance to escape the world that was Danton Hill High—how could I spoil your dream with news that I was having a baby? We barely knew each other; we certainly didn’t love each other. We were young and stupid and that night I wasn’t making the most informed decisions. We let one night of teenage drama transform us into the adults we weren’t ready to be, and the result was something . . . someone neither of us was prepared for. There was no magic that night on Mercer’s Point, it was just two dumb kids angry at the world. A cruel twist of fate, made even crueler by the fact that she didn’t live beyond her birth.”